December 6, 2010 7 year itchy rug

Today’s blog post comes to you in a burst of vulnerable honesty. Debated posting it but… if someone can learn from our errors – why not be a bit vulnerable? Just putting that disclaimer out there to start with.

Seven years ago I was joking with people about the “seven year itch” coming up as Mark and I drew close to our seventh anniversary. I laughed about it, whenever we were apart and someone would say “Where’s Mark?” I’d make some wisecrack about the fact he got the seven year itch…

Sometimes I’m an idiot.

You see… I hadn’t noticed we had a rug problem. Nothing major – no big crazy fights. Just small things, swept under the rug for another day. Another couple of crumbs swept under the rug, oh and then a few more crumbs and then…

One day the rug got pulled out from under me and all those things we had collectively swept there, came flying out and knocked the wind out of me. You see – it’s often not the big crisis that rips a marriage apart. It’s the little things we ignore.

We split. I was suddenly alone with a baby. Darkest few days of my life. Oh – and right during that time came Madi’s first birthday party we had planned and had to both attend with fake smiles on as only a very, very few people knew the story of the rug.

So decisions had to be made. Do we walk away, and let the rug win? Or do we sweep out under the rug, clean house and move on?

Well… I’m guessing you know the answer. Because today we celebrate our second round of seven years. Yep… today we have been married 14 years! We spent some of our savings on counseling, we made changes, and we talked. Most importantly we made a decision to love.

Why do I share this? I go to a lot of weddings obviously… but that is just the beginning of these couple’s journeys. Each day is a choice to love, to forgive, to change, and then love some more. Marriage isn’t always easy – but it is so worth the fight! I just want to encourage you to take time to clean out under your rugs. To make sure the small things don’t grow to become big things. To make a choice to love – even when you don’t want to.

Today I am so thankful for my boy. That cute guy I met at the bus stop 17 years ago. I’m so thankful he chose to ask me to marry him. I’m so thankful he didn’t give up. I’m so thankful he puts up with me daily. I love this guy more today than ever!

Celebrating life, love and my Mark,

Krista

15 Responses to “7 year itchy rug”

  1. [...] I’ve seen enough of my friend’s marriages break up to realize it is often not the big things – but all the small, pesty things building up over time. Life gets busy. Slowly the one we couldn’t live without takes the back seat to work, bills, kids, friends, home…. life. I wrote about my own journey with this HERE. [...]

  2. Tarasview says:

    I’m just catching up on your blog and reading this today… it is really nice to “hear” your heart. Vulnerability is a good thing. Interesting that you were going through one of your darkest times at the same time I was… mine was deep post partum depression, yours with Mark. I’m sorry I was just too wrapped up in myself at the time to notice how much you were hurting. And look at us both now… I survived 3 bouts of post partum and you survived 7 more years. Well done on both of us :)

  3. Suzin says:

    Thank you for your honesty and for the reminder.

  4. John S says:

    Thanks for being soooo open and honest. That’s the only way to get through the crud and crap that is thrown all of us. And yes, others will learn from this also.
    After 35 years I never knew marriage could be so good. I so love my honey even more. Yahoo.

  5. Jen K says:

    Love you guys and your openness. Congratulations on 14 years!!

  6. jenn stark says:

    What a great post Krista! Hope you guys have a great day today!! Congrats!

  7. Sarah Stone says:

    awwwww thanks for sharing Krista :) Again with making me cry lol Congrats to you both on your 14th anniversary. I love that you are so honest :)

    Sarah

  8. Karla says:

    So, well put- My husband and I also went through something similiar to that 5 years ago- this coming July we will be celebrating our 10th anniversary!!! Marriage is hard but worth enduring!!
    Thanks for your post !! Happy Anniversary !!!
    Karla

  9. Always be vulnerable. It’s a beautiful risk to take. It is how our world weaves stories into the hearts of one another, how we grow into the village we were intended to be all along.

    What a beautiful story, Krista. Thank you for sharing it.

    Happy, Happy 14th Anniversary to you and Mark.

    Tara

  10. Sandra says:

    Thank you so much for sharing! Have a wonderful anniversary! Much love!! Sandra & Chris

  11. Lea Harper says:

    awesome post Krista!

    Lea

  12. kath siebert says:

    Krista,
    thanks so much for posting. Your honesty is appreciated and it’s a great reminder to keep on sweeping.

    May you have many more rounds of seven. Happy Anniversary.

  13. Beth says:

    Beautifully written! A powerful message and great reminder for everyone… Thanks so much for your honesty in sharing this!

  14. Rosita says:

    Very well put. It takes one to destroy a marriage sometimes, but two to work at putting it back together. So happy you both did what it took! Happy Anniversary to you both!

    xo

  15. diane says:

    this warmed my heart…another happy 14 years to you both…and many more after that…

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